You start the conversation but you don't feel any connection with them even though you know it is important to build some rapport. But then there is this awful awkward Silence.

By the way, how long do you think silence has to be present before it becomes awkward?

Believe it or not, you can google that question and you might find a report from NBC News that shows a study done by a Dutch Psychologist indicated that when 4 seconds of silence was experienced in the conversation, people began to feel it awkward.

According to the published paper, "People who experienced the awkward silence reported feeling “distressed, afraid, hurt, and rejected,” Not exactly what we are striving for when we are trying to build rapport.

When we are trying to connect with someone, we need to find some common ground. In his best selling book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, John Maxwell says "It's difficult to find common ground with others when the only person you're focused on is yourself"

Years ago, I took the Dale Carnegie course and I found a tool that is really quite useful in overcoming this dilemma. It was something that really stuck with me and helped me overcome some of my introverted tendencies.

The concept used is called a conversation stack. It helps you associate images and topics that help you blend into an open ended conversation.

There are variations and I think you could probably come up with your own ideas but this is the one I heard.